eBay: SVU

Detective's notes: The staging of the body, open eyes, and placement of the straw in the mouth suggest the work of a deeply disturbed serial killer.

Throwin' The Horns

That's confidence. That's rock n roll. That's "Yeah I'm wearin' black velvet palazzo pants from the early 90s with black socks and my belly hangin' out in my suburban backyard and you better f*ckin' like it."

You Know You're Screwed...

...when your mannequin won't let you leave.

Oh, A Little Crass Fun

Quick, someone ask me a really obvious question so I can answer 'Does a goth shit in the woods?'

This Ain't No Yellow Brick Road

This poor ho appears to be far, far from home. I mean really, of all locations to photoshop your turned out model, a cold, desolate suburban landscape?

I Love That The Baby's Is A Circle

The family resemblance here is uncanny! That baby looks exactly like his parents!

Thanks to Nina for this hilarious picture!

Sex Wax Sold Separately

(slang) an expression of surprise or amazement, often followed by "dude." Like, Cowabunga, dude, that's one big suggestion about your stick.

The Wonder Years

Being a teenager is hard. Some kids are still kids, awkward and uncomfortable, some are confident adults. Witness the difference between menage-a-prom there and so-stilted-*I*-feel-uncomfortable.

Photoshop Fail

Ooooh. The opulent setting makes me believe that jacket is spun of the finest silks and gold. And that the Lady of the house is about to tumble down the grand staircase backwards.

Selling With Impact

I'm sure this is the only picture the seller (Mom) took at this party -- the one where her daughter appears to be punching out the tiny dancer.

From A Model-Free Home

Okay, okay, technically this has no model in it. No human model, anyway. But I just found this so darn funny! Hope you don't mind dog butt on your used t-shirt!

Comfortable In His Skin(tight sweater)

My new favorite AEM! Love how this guy does not take himself seriously!

Show Some Restraint!

And your master let you wear that with that unflattering belt? Masochistic indeed.

Going To The No Pants Dance?

I agree. Wearing pants with your formal jacket just would have been too distracting.

Feelin' Womby

Thanks for having this candleabra positioned so we can envision your reproductive organs.

Statuesque

Like I've always said, when using religious statuary, you must make it work for you, not against you.

Lycra Giveth, Lycra Taketh Away

Shiny lycra is a cruel, cruel mistress. It can make us look like we have more boob and butt than God gave us. It can also do this. Note her shiny mons pubis. HOT.

Another Hipster-Off

Oooh, today we have two excellent contestants. Who looks more bored, disaffected, silly and ironic?

Chapless Chaps

Thank you, thank you, thank you for not putting these on.

Separated At Birth!

I need to contact both these sellers and tell them that their models are long lost twins!

I Need These

Come now, if you're going to wear pants with side vents, don't bring out the 4th grader in me and stand in an exaggerated fart pose. PS, you could sell these to me as 'relaxing after eating a garlicky dinner' pants.

Fleeced?

I swear this model and I were separated at birth. The hair, the goofiness, my signature 'double guns' move? Is someone playing a joke on me?

Maybe She's Dizzy

Wow, you are having a bad day when the carousel cat you're riding is having a better time than you.

Institutionalized

This reminds me to mention that I love that new show Alcatraz. She's already prepped for a body cavity search with that fly open.

At Least They're Wearing Pants

Hey Ladies, thought you might enjoy a little eye candy on Valentine's Day. Looks like these classy gents are having some kind of ceremony in a location where they've previously dumped bodies.

Upright

A new interpretation for 'tickling the ivories.'

Viral Post

I know, I get cold sores, too. But the show must go on, and glasses must be modelled.

Furry Friends

I love, love, love how pets integrate into our lives. In some cases, like here, to the point where we don't even notice them. So here's this seller, her kid trying to look all attractive, rich and modelly in front of their fancy Jacuzzi tub. Except for another coat wearing interloper who turns the thing into pure comedy. And just in case you're thinking there's no other mammals in the last shot, look again. :)

Back to Basics

Sometimes I simply enjoy some good old fashioned amateur ebay model awkwardness. The hunched shoulder, bad angle, the "I'm a fashion model" vacuous look, the hair blending into the background making her look bald... Reminds me why I started this blog.

Furreeezing

I'm just so glad that some things are universal. These fur gloves, on sale from China, demonstrate that all offices are freezing cold. Or she's working in a Siberian cold fusion lab.

King@gmail.com

Elvis is alive! And adopting technology!

That's Crazy!

That's one deluxe padded cell! And as a double amputee, it'll make it easier for her to roll around in it.

Four Score And Twenty Bids Ago

Look, it's the mayor of ebay! And he's about to orate!

We Can Be Heroes

Custom made superhero capes! It's Diamond Dave - not to be confused with the weirdo lead singer of Van Halen. There's nothing like a meekish man facing a wall like he's in a time out to sell superhero capes.

Batter Up!

Pretty sure she's giving me the curve ball sign.

Up Up and Away

Wheee! Balloons! So fun and childlike! Hey what's that weenie red one doing?

Great Year

Excuse me, sir?

Oh good lord I did not see that coming.

Fine, I'll Pose

Attention low self-esteemers! This spiteful, disinterested model would like you to try and cheer her up by buying her dress!