Suspicious Sparkles

I wish I could wear sequins or diamonds and throw off shimmery sparkles at every turn, moving around the world like Alexis Carrington. But alas, it doesn't work like that. So imagine my suspicions when I see this seller, whose x's radiate with every photo, including an x over the light switch. I smell photoshop.

I Can't Believe I Ate The Whole Thing

Believe it or not, this isn't a maternity sweater. Just a gal who loves her belly.

PS, the headline is an homage to this classic American ad from the 70s

Have A Nice Day!

Those ghoulish monotone girls are scary enough, but the one's face that's blanked out looks like a death mask, and then the cheery smiley face to top it off? Terrifying.

Oh, Pardon Us

Sorry, we don't mean to interrupt this moment you two are having.

Gimme A Backwards 'F'!

That's great that you have school spirit, but, uh, maybe you want to attend some classes where you have to read...

Sick, Sick, Sick

The heavy foliage, the ropes, the delicate pinning, the hard chair, the fact that it's little girl underpants... I da know, this reads to me as 'trophy.'

Work That Flamingo!

I do so love a slutty AEM who can use any prop to work it sexy. This flamingo statue is not sexy at all, but this AEM makes you think there's a possibility of a threesome with it.

Illusion

That is not chest hair.

Dazed and Confused

"Okay, I remember we were at this club and this guy bought me a drink, then I remember getting into a car I think, then I woke up here with a napkin plastered to my head."

Twin Towers

Now which grey, tall, hard-angled column is for sale?

Reeeeally Casual Friday

I think the world would be a better place if we could all come into work in our pjs.

I'm Pretending It's A Nine-Year Old

Look, I may not be the most svelte among us, but I'm not obese! I found this picture while doing a search for pants in my size. Ouch! You could fit two AEMs in there! Why the cruelty of having her model them at all?

A Little Too Perfect

Perfect body, perfect pose, showhome-like cleanliness, lack of personal objects... somewhere deep in a closet there's a bag of ex-boyfriends' toenail clippings.

Purple Haze

This bronze slab of skin had me guessing what it is.

Tiny Doubles

Oh I want a tiny double SO BAD. You could just scoop him up and carry him around all day. And you'd always agree, and laugh at the same things, except his laugh would be higher and smaller from those tiny lungs.

Over the Rainbow

Rather artistic, no? I actually really like this. Seems more like a still from a movie than an ebay listing for a dress. I'm less corset and more boxy sweaters these days, myself.

Crack Me Up

Um, cuz why?

Scary Mannequin Alert!

This terrifying aberration will haunt my dreams - a hand grafted onto a neck! *Shivers* I think if I had this affliction, I'd be all 'Hmmmm' drumming my fingers on my mouth all the time. Maybe people would think I'm really wise.

Sucks When The Drugs Wear Off

Why oh why would you have your AEM look cold, scared, disoriented and post-rave suicidal? This does not make me want to buy your tutu.

Sorry, Charlie

It's a new R-rated Charlie's Angels, except without a smart one.

1 800 LAWYERS

It's just, I feel this says 'personal injury claim' more than 'I'm your slave.' I think it's in the eyes.

Thinking About It

Here's a good reminder to treat your AEMs well or they start getting ideas about life outside of ebay. However, in her case, it appears she is in the middle of a jungle, so she'd have quite a way to go in those heels.

I Wish I Could Be A Professional Model

Oh, actually, the genie is usually in the other part of the bottle.

Ladies & Gents, AEM Is Back

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Oh let me count the ways I love this. 1) The head is positioned perfectly on the body. 2) The look in the eyes matches the tentative hands. 3) The shadowing is done to perfection. 4) The ears and skintone all kind of match. 5) This all somehow looks...pretty. 6) It's a CAT head on a PERSON.