Irony for Christmas

Depends on just how much irony you want.

Mmmf Fmff Pfff!

I think she's saying "Call 911!"

Huh

I guess I thought that when someone did 'open the kimono,' they wouldn't be wearing a sweater underneath.

Prom Night In Syria!

Perfection

Thank you again, eBay gods. Not only is this a terrific, slutty way to sell the orange dress, these lezzbefriends are being photobombed by a terrific dude WHO IS BEING PHOTOBOMBED BY A STRAW. Mic drop.

Cavity? Cold Sore? Drool?

This model's black dress for sale takes a back seat to her baffling body language. I've said it a million times - it's hard to take a sexy picture! I think this finger-on-lip-gone-wrong deserves points for trying.

L.A. Woman

Well I'm about as baffled and saddened by this t-shirt as the model is. Does this mean you need to buy your friends in L.A.? Or that once you have bought friends, bottled water and white teeth you don't need anything else, say, food? Or that there is nothing else to buy in LA other than those 3 items?

Are We Boring You?

A fine, fine choice to sell this dress using this model's enthusiastic pose. Now I know what I will look like if I hate my parents and have to wear this stupid dress.

Where Is Spring?

Help a model out, Mother Nature!

Where Should I Start?

Well, I'll start with these shorts could be yours. You may have to strip them off a half woman floating in mid-air to get them, though.

Friend or Foe?

Sure she's all sunny and charming, but which finger is that?

Plus Size Robot Drag Queen

That is how this number is described. Thank goodness because I was a bit confused. At least I know the quality is there, as it appears it's made by Mercedes.

Nice Bush

Twisted Sister

Well looks like a twister came and tore up the ground and tore off this poor model's shirt!

A Parliament of Hooters? A Brood? A Herd of Hooters?

Not sure what to call this cluster of legs and arms other than a hot mess o' Hooters.

His Identity Has Been KO'd

Is this really this model's profile? Seems he's got another hobby as a pugilist. Look at that battered shnoz. Or he's a hitman or something. This is scary.

Despair Sold Separately

Nothing sells a fur coat like the boozy dame act. Applause, applause.

Oh My God

Is this faithful model giving credit to the source of her endowment?

Do You Take This Goddess?

Dear Groom, score! Lakshmi is the Hindu Goddess of wealth, prosperity (both material and spiritual), fortune, and the embodiment of beauty.

Warp Speed

Whoa. Motion sick. Blech. This cold fusion-powered skirt's got this model up to Mach 2.

Ridiculousness

Ratty facial hair. Check. Unflattering on purpose pose. Check. Ugly clothing item. Check. Trying very hard to be ironic. CHECK. Silly, silly hipsters are all over eBay selling silly vintage clothes.

I Sworda Like It

This regal display of weaponry really amps up the class on this dress. Watch those swords with your open toe shoes!

Material Absorbs Tears!

Everyone together now..awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. This poor little amateur model is seriously not feeling this photo shoot. There's nothing like tears and sorrow to show your item in its best light. Good call, Mom!

Spann(dexing)ing The Ages

This "dance costume" troubles me mostly because it's a 50 year old lady, with a 25 year old's boobs, and a 5 year old's vagina. 

Live Long and Prosper..on Ork?

Seems this gal's got her geek mythology mixed up. 

Almost Human

Whoa. Took me a minute to figure out this one...

Pleading

What is this? I'm reading one robber who's been forced to commit the crime and his cool as a cucumber cohort. Or maybe just a model trapped in an itchy face mask? Hard to say, but his eyes are trying to tell me something.

Almost Perfect

Why you can almost hear the birds a chirping and the bees a buzzing in this dappled, idyllic suburban scene. Record screeeech! Except she has no leg. Now you can't unsee it, right?

Guinness Record

This might just be the winner for the most awkward eBay model. Bottoms up!

Snake Charmer

So impressive! This winsome gal sells the heck out of being squeezed to death by a boa constrictor!

You'll Have To Check That

This poor model looks quite unsure of how to rock this deadly weapon and make it all look sexy to sell this clubwear outfit.

...And Poor Grammar

Well apparently ladies don't mind belly button goatees or retro-fitted 's' either.

Gold Medal For Biggest Stretch

Here on top we have the official 2014 USA Olympic sweater up for auction for $3,500. On the bottom we have the medal winner for the biggest stretch to take advantage of Olympic fever, selling this heinous sweater as 'Olympics gymnastic themed' sweater. God bless eBay and enterprising sellers.

If Only I Could See What A Dead Bird Would Look Like In The Back Pocket

This gent does a fabulous job of demonstrating the hands-free convenience of carting around a bloody pheasant.