Celebrating the strange, awkward poses and generally misguided choices people make to sell clothes on ebay.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Happy Holidays!

Hey Guys! AEM is taking some time off. Travel safe, have a wonderful time, and I'll see you all again in the New Year. -Jenn

Cruelty to AEMs

Blondes may have more fun, but they need to tinkle just like the rest of us. Let this poor AEM go to the ladies!

Crazy for Christmas

Everything about this one gives me a Ted Kaczynski, separatist vibe. It's like he's not actually being ironic. (Am I using 'irony' correctly?)

Redneck Christmas

Git yer ass down her and have a merry f*&kin' time celebratin' the birth of sweet baby Jesus.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Ugly Is In the Eye of the Beholder

So, this plain v-neck is billed as an ugly christmas sweater. Dear seller, there is a big difference between 'a sweater received at Christmas that you find ugly' and an 'ugly christmas sweater.' This model looks so pissed about having to pose in the gift he doesn't like. Photo was probably taken to send to Grandma in a thank you note.

Ugly Christmas Sweater Cont'd

This guy seems to take ugly christmas sweater modelling to new...highs or lows, can't decide. There's comedy, and then there's no dignity. We may have bumped up against that line here.

Blow Ho Ho

I think she's just done something to Santa to light him up like that.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Well god bless this AEM who still models sexy with a giant goiter!

AEM Doppelganger

If I were in a broke down motel room, had the cojones to don a 90s era J.Lo jumpsuit for a photographer, and let my stomach (and pride) go, this could be me.

Monday, December 20, 2010


Please take a few minutes to figure this one out.

Love the Ugly Christmas Sweater

I *love* this guy. He embodies the true spirit of (ugly) Christmas (sweater).


You'll recall I don't alter the pictures at all and the seller uploaded this one sideways. It's just as well as it doesn't make a whole lot of sense right side up anyway. Maybe the bloomers would be cute, but jingle bells right over the sphincter? At least it's not mistletoe.

Friday, December 17, 2010

That's Not Distracting At All

This is a sell for the little girl's dress. Points to the seller for rubbing out all the other detail, down to the girl's reflection in the mirror. You can make this really spooky by looking at how the girl wipes the mirror and pretending that she is causing the scratching out of reality. Go there with me.

Strange Things Afoot

Look at all the feet! Let's skip over the fact that this 'gingerbread man' dog outfit looks like a dressed up poop and focus on the feet. In particular, look how the foot at the upper right has virtually no distinction between the 2nd and 3rd toes. Yikes. And what are they all doing? Descending upon the dog? Yah, this one's weird.

Male Box

I am just so moved by the buffoonery of selling ugly christmas sweaters! It's as if the sweater isn't dumb enough so the sellers need to add 'comedy' to enhance its value.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Hat Attack

It appears this bird has pecked off this poor AEM's features!


Perhaps this AEM was told she would be in an artistic shoot.

P.S. anyone else singing A-Ha right now? Take on meeeeeeeee!

The Littlest Amateur

Now this is one tiny baby, probably like, what, 4 weeks old? Look at how, in the interest of 'cuteness', the future pageant mom has twisted jr's little arm around like pretzel dough. The baby is striking a pose that only a much older child can do. This is so creepy and unnatural!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


When my eyes are done zig zagging around on the fingerprint-like lines on this garment, I can appreciate the pure geometry of the form. Thing is, I can't figure out how this lady goes. I think she has extra vertebrae.

Holiday Ham

My eyes, my eyes! This is so upsetting. Though, bold move for a heavy woman to wear a Miss Piggy mask. Also, I think I'm jealous of her backyard.
Thanks to Carin for this amazing photo! She's on a roll!

Everyone Under the Ugly Sweater Tent

Now are we trying to be inclusive or are we trying to destroy through assimilation with the ugly Hanukkah sweater? I'm a little uncomfortable with this one as the patch with the star feels a bit Germany 1938ish. As usual, I'm probably overthinking it. :)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Ebay - The Final Frontier

Love this pose, this outfit. I call it 'Standing at attention at a Starship Enterprise formal in dress uniform.'

Method Acting Modeling

Awww. Sad clowns got this AEM down. It's gonna be okay, buddy.

Vestigial Fun

I usually expect the shiny bump in the front. This AEM has one in the back. So he's got like a nub of a tail? Kinky!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Come Back Here!

This model demos how you will look in this dress while chasing your small dog that has gotten loose.

Dried Fruit

Now here's a nice wrinkly peach number. And the shirt's not bad either.

Santa's Helper

There are about 50 listings for ugly christmas wear with this guy. I've posted some of my faves. He embodies the ugly christmas sweater movement spirit of jackassery. Though, not really sure how the dress fits in...

Friday, December 10, 2010

Hard Times

Mrs. Green Giant picks up a little cash on the side.

Body Count

The cadaver pose definitely shows the item for sale nicely and clearly, I'll give her that, but the overall impression that she's been murdered takes away a certain something.

I Surrender

Since I just can't believe that this is meant to be sexy, I've created an alternate explanation where this woman's house was attacked by insurgents while she was getting ready in the morning and she took off across her estate to escape and was caught just before trying to scale an abandoned section of the garden wall.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Reason for the Season

Tis the season for binge drinking. All that's missing for me here is that cute (choose one: married/not married) guy from (fill in the department) that I (fill in: your choice) at the company holiday party.
Another winner from my pal Carin!!

Who Loves You?

I do. This is my gift to you today.


Yes, yes, more used socks. I can't stay away! So I get that the sock is on the calf, but what other body parts are happening here? I can't get 'orientated' as they say here in London (I am in London) because of the shadows and light.

Sweet Moves

Work those giant bloomers, girl!

Just Your Neighborly Shemale

How many ways do I love this AEM?
She is seriously neat and conservative, yet stylish and glamorous! Old fashionedy with the rocking chair and cute kitchen towels, yet a thoroughly modern gal with the whole embracing life as a transvestite. Nice legs!

Elmo Surprises Woman

Love this new approach to selling used socks! She is just beaming, a nice departure from the sexy wexy looks we usually see. And I do love socks on hands because no matter what, they always look like puppets to me.

Monday, December 6, 2010


This hairless dude is doing his best to butch it up, god bless him. This is the other thing with Ugly Christmas Sweaters on ebay -- the men often model the ladies' items! I think this vest accentuates his narrow hips nicely.

Elfin Magic

This guy's got a Jack Black-ness to him that makes me laugh. Those are some sweet robot karate moves! His hands look elfin and tiny, and soft. But the upsetting part is the prickly fir stick and christmas balls.

The Most Ugliest Time Of The Year

So you probably know that there's an ugly christmas sweater fad - parties, jokes in movies, etc. It used to be that an ugly christmas sweater was a piece of found art. Now, at least on ebay, it's become a cottage industry, with sellers creating and marketing thousands of Ugly Christmas Sweaters. And the accompanying modelling philosphy is to pose looking as much like a jackass as possible. I object, mildly to the organic nature of the ugly christmas sweater being taken away, but goldarnit this is America and Americans are capitalists, and ebayers chief among them.
Thanks to Carin for this gem!

Friday, December 3, 2010


Is this depressing or what? It's like a scene from Roger & Me in Flint, Michigan in the middle of the winter. The model looks cold and hopeless. The dutiful powerlines in the background bringing midless electricity to millions of suburban appliances.

Nice Moves

(sung with spanish accent) hum doody hum ditty booda macarena HEYYYY macarena!

The Queen?

Elvis is not dead. Apparently he lives in an attic efficiency apartment. And he's a woman. P.S. this is to sell the track suit.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Where's His Night Stick?

I'm pretending this leather-clad 'police officer' is on his knees to demonstrate how you can help an old lady up who's fallen. Yup. That's why he's on his knees.

Buy Two, Get One

This odd shot has got me counting one more arm than there should be.


This LARP lovin' lass has chosen anonymity - fair enough. But all the browns go together and it makes it seem like some faceless grim reaper spirit being. Scary! The only thing that humanizes it is her slight bad posture.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


This listing promises shoes 'worn by a detective.' So bizarre, I love it! Also love the focus on the feet rather than the shoes. Especially love the scraping-the-floor angle of the photograph, like they are skulking under the dinner table. Very creepy.