Celebrating the strange, awkward poses and generally misguided choices people make to sell clothes on ebay.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Her Lot

Raise your hand if you don't know why you're standing in a parking lot modeling a fancy dress. And dear photographer, you couldn't wait for that one car to go by?

So Mean

Seems odd to use a mannequin from the Bodies exhibit to sell clothes.


I so appreciate the scientific diagram of this penis stocking. Now I just need the diagram of why someone would need a penis stocking.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


What do I like best about this one? There's so much to choose from!! I'm torn between the 'mysterious' look, the iron-clad bra and mom jeans, or the look juxtaposed against the hopeless banality of suburban home design. I think she's trying to channel Stevie Nicks.
PS, this is one of my FAVORITE gestures. I do it all the time.

Sippin That Bub

Well the club looks upscale I guess, but our gal here looks on a mission with her highly practiced, lips parted fuck me face and gold-digging champagne in hand. This dress looks downright disposable, I'm surprised it's in good enough condition to resell. Hope it's been dry cleaned.


Flatsy chest or baby back ribs? YOU decide.

Monday, September 27, 2010


Yes! Sign me up to buy this gown! But only if it comes with a side of OCD!


Lord knows, I do love the RV. However staging a fashion show at the rear end of one just makes me feel like I'm on my way to Dollywood. (Okay fine, I love Dollywood, too. I should go ahead and buy this shirt - it is my destiny.)

For What, Packing Peanuts?

Apparently even mannequins get late night cravings.

Friday, September 24, 2010

The Penguin

So a very common pose is The Penguin. Arms held to the sides with hands tilted out in what is meant to convey professional model elegance and poise. Comes off more with a college fashion show level awkwardness. I've chuckled at The Penguin for months, until I came across The Chimp (bottom picture). Yikes! A simple inversion of the gesture makes us look like circus monkeys wearing human clothes. So in conclusion, hats off to The Penguin - your faux grace and elegance is far better than the alternative, and again makes me appreciate professional modeling.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Date Rules

Oh man, DO NOT forget to open the car door on her side first! She looks piiiiiiissssssed.

Black Out

"I remember the party, I remember that guy in a tux, I think I remember leaving the party but then I just woke up here, like this."

You Might Want To Skip This

I'm so sorry to keep bombarding you with adult baby fetish stuff, but this picture is just too fantastic to resist posting!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Kinda Mean

Practicing carrying the inevitable TGI Fridays tray.

Fake Out

Wow, how much for that hat? That is one terrific hat. That hat, yah, what a statement! Really big hat ya got there. I'm sorry? It's the dress for sale? The one I can't tell at all what it looks like? Oh.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

That Blows

Well this l'il storm chaser appears to be cool with it, but I have a slight problem with making my child demo a coat at the onset of a hurricane!

Showing Off Her Goods

Flasher's special! Nicely demo'd in the shadows of a leafy park. Points for a very stylish raincoat.

Not Quite Right

This one is subtle but creepy. The arm...there's just something wrong with that arm. Kinda takes the sexy out of the picture.

Monday, September 20, 2010


I love cats. Now you know the truth. I love my cat, other people's cats, and even commercials that feature cats. However. I find anthropomorphizing weird to begin with, and then to use it as a means to sell clothes is so strange! So I guess it's supposed to appeal to somone just like me, but the scarf one just makes me feel bad for the cat and this second one here scares the bejesus out of me!!

For Shame!

I know it's just plastic and all, but there's something so very wrong about displaying this dress backwards!

I'm a Loser Baby

Normally mannequins have a cool, unaproachable look to make the fashion seem more appealing, right? So I am surprised to see the Dork model, complete with big ears, bad haircut and bushy eyebrows. He makes what could otherwise be a funky vintage leather jacket look like he's on his way to a pocket convention.

Friday, September 17, 2010


Let the record reflect entering into evidence is the victim's dress, shown slashed from shoulder to wrist.


Good god there is a bird of prey waiting to peck the eyes out of this little street urchin when she passes out from hunger! Yes, posing a child as a hopeless runaway is a great way to sell an outfit.

Hey Do Me A Favor?

Hello AEMers, if you like what you see, help me spread the Amateur love by sharing posts (twitter, fb, etc)! It would help my self esteem tremendously. And/or join the blog. It's on the right nav lower down. I actually do not know the difference between 'Join' and 'Follow.' Maybe you can explain it to me.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Footless Dress

I don't know why, I just feel this dress just has a floating quality to it.

Don't Be Sad

Don't be sad, dear AEM, someday soon, all that annoying open green land will be filled with strip malls, mcmansions, and traffic as far as the eye can see.

Another Horse!

I can't believe it's another horse. But this time, we're all on a bad trip with the psychadelic colors and the evil yellow stare of the horse. Shivers that horse is gonna come get me! Look, I like (non-evil) horses, don't we all? But WHY use them as props to sell clothes?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Mixed Message

The cleavage says yes, the claws say no. The fake boobs say easy, the fake nails say buy me something first. The lighting says professional, the pose says amateur. I'm all confused.


Look! It's relic from Pompeii on ebay!

Non Pet Free Home

This savvy seller didn't waste one frame of (digital) film retaking a dog-free photo! Although I have to admit that dog is a cutie, just doin' his dog thang.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Break My Heart

Okay so by now we know that ebay is chock a block full of slutty girls trying desperately hard to pose sexy within an inch of the pornography guidelines. Enter this fresh faced cutie, all 'I'm a cat!! Meow!!' She's got a light in her eyes, playful smile. I can't help but think that she's one to two rent checks away from having that driven out of her.

Insert Beer Here

Sure this guy's in on the joke, but I love how he demos the feature of still being able to drink a beer while wearing the old gent's beard. Love the eye contact with the camera. Points for a dude in a cardigan, super bonus points for the Purple One t-shirt!
Thanks, Carin & Justin!

So Natural

Maybe it's the chair stolen from a Hojo's free breakfast room, maybe it's the way she's working her abs to stay upright on the rocky ground, maybe it's his mullet (or is he a she?), but gol darnit I am so comfortable looking at this organic scene I can't help but want to buy the dress.

Monday, September 13, 2010


I post this in honor of the True Blood finale last night. Shouldn't she not be able to be out in the daylight? And what's with the suburban rose print top? My Mom could wear that.


Is this the worst thing you have ever seen? This beast appears to have scratched up the mannequin's face as well as angrily sinking its teeth into her skull. Jeepers this is awful.

It's Britney, Bitch

Check it out it's Ms. Spears! And she's even not wearing pants! That's verite! Now all we need is a Starbucks 4,000 calorie drink, Marlboro menthols and chaos.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Too Literal

Dear Seller, just because you're selling a vintage hat doesn't mean you need to show it on a, er, uh vintage model. Takes away from the whole ironic, retro thing.


Well God bless this young trooper for losing her legs and still posing sexy. That's confidence.


What, does he have a ball peen hammer in there?

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Not So Sure About This

This seller says "Caveman vest. All the rage." (side note: caveman vest? wha?) But I'm not convinced that she really believes that. Looks a bit tentative and suspicious about the whole thing.

Another Quiz!

Seriously, if anyone can tell me what this is, I'll give them a dollar.


In the name of all that is right and good in the world why - why!? - would you put a pregnant woman, in heels no less, posing by a rickety ladder??? I mean of all the props in the world to choose from! And it doesn't even go with her ensemble!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


I wonder if the t-shirt comes with the jumpsuit. Oh wait, what? Oh, my bad.

Laziest Seller of the Year

Yes, this seller gets an award for not only posting a crappy confusing picture of the dress in situ, but using a PICTURE of the crappy confusing picture.


This is the most adorable photo and I want to eat up this little girl with a spoon she is so cute. But selling a used dress surrounded by farm animals? Who can recall that wafting children's zoo smell just by looking at this?