Celebrating the strange, awkward poses and generally misguided choices people make to sell clothes on ebay.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


I'm suing this l'il hip hopper for stealing my best move. Well, second to the guns, anyway (friends will understand this).

The Yeti Lives!

Though, understandably, must be kept anonymous so it doesn't get recognized at the mall, etc.

High End

Spacious. Custom details. Handcrafted flooring. Lots of light. I could really see raising a family here. Oh wait - it's the Chanel suit for sale here? My bad.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Bad Hair Day

I applaud how seriously he's taking his fur hat. It really offsets his earlobes nicely.

Start 'Em Early

No need to save for college if you can get your girls to start go go dancing as youngsters!


I think he's actually napping. I would be exhausted, too, just trying to pull this thing on. Or perhaps it's lack of oxygen. Once again, ebay is my teacher, and I have so much to learn.

Monday, June 28, 2010

L'il Bully

There's nothing that encourages me to bid more than a mean child mannequin with a cold sore.

Damn Movie Still Makes Me Cry

Hey Kids! As shown here, this hat's great for dressing up your E.T. for Halloween so he can blend into the neighborhood!

Thanks For Clarifying

I guess in the industry this little number is made for, it's not always clear, and therefore important to distinguish, which is the backside.

Friday, June 25, 2010


God bless America, for the right to buy and sell used, dirty socks on ebay. It's quite a booming cottage industry, with hundreds if not thousands of listings, let alone dirty panties, shoes and stockings. My question is this, are there really that many Smelly fetishists out there? Or is it more like one sniff and they're bored so they need constant refreshing?

I was first introduced to this concept as a young lass by Kim Catrall in Porky's, but I thought it was kind of freaky and on the fringe (plus I hadn't even frenched yet and it all seemed a bit icky). But apparently it's more mainstream, because the supply is there, implying demand, no? Totally fascinating, would love any insight.

Thanks to Stephanie for submitting! Perfect timing for World Cup.

Wicked Witch of the West Palm Beach

I'm mellltiiiiing!

What Can Brown Do for You?

Well, in this case, it can accommodate a big lunch.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Deadly Earnest Me

On the serious, words can't describe my joy and fulfillment at catching a glimpse into people's lives via eBay fashion. Let's take this gal, e.g. She's standing in some average backyard in Illinois. And yet, this dress transforms her into being a sexy, sophisticated, high fashion model. I applaud how seriously she takes it, without regard to environment, like how her heels might be sinking into the grass, or how the crappy fence might snag the dress. She is feeling it, and giving it to us. This is the very definition of the professional amateur.

Savvy Seller!

Kudos to this seller, who hired a blind amateur model! Add to it the retro lady like thing going on, and how she's feeling her way down the block, and it cuts quite an elegant, sympathetic picture. Great salesmanship!

There Oughta Be a Law

What with the posture, the attitude, the chipped nail polish, and the bra straps hanging out, this young amateur manages to make a D&G dress look like it's from Forever 21. It's a crime!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


This dress comes equipped with a built-in leaf blower!


Keep your hands where I can see 'em. Demo the fringe, now, nice and easy.

No QA for T&A

These slapped-on, homemade (by a 7 yeard old, I think), rickety, shrinkydink looking '69' pasties/bra - or as I see it, an upside down 'g' and backwards 'e' -- are more puzzling than anything.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


This poor model looks like he's propelled forward by the tightness of this suit. Like he's trying to escape it, or clench hard enough not to get a wedgie.

Wrong, wrong, wrong

Somewhere between 'Rock on' and signing 'I love you,' but not really in the Michael Jackson wheelhouse of gestures, agree?

Packed My Spare Foot!

I love the carefree spirit here, selling the suit as elegant yet comfortable -- without the seller's awareness that it looks like there's a severed foot sticking out of the briefcase. (Briefcase not included)

Monday, June 21, 2010

On Display

This is quite an invitation, and frankly, it embarrasses me and my delicate sensibilities!

Groundbreaking Science!

The first ever mannequin-human hybrid! Amazing!


When she gave up the pole for him and settled down, she never imagined life would become so mundane.

Friday, June 18, 2010


Honestly, I think this outfit did not originally come with those strategic cut outs -- they came from her pulling it on with those nails!

Oh Lord, Why?

It seems this model's patience is being tested. Or maybe he's ruing the horizontal stripes. Hard to say.

Mean Monkey

I guess if I had to pick the most disturbing aspect of this, it's the mean monkey defending the wine bottle. I feel like I've stepped into this seller's dream sequence or art project. PS, it's the red outfit that's for sale, not LSD.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Show Me the Money (Shot)

Seems protective headwear is necessary when wearing this sexy number.

Have A Nice Day

Yiiiiiiiiiiiikes!!!!! Who else is terrified by this psycho seller's macabre happy faces? This is like, a prop from a serial killer movie.

This Scares Me

Look at that desperate and pleading expression! Drugs may have saved her life, but who's going to save her from the slavery ring she's fallen into?

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Keep Warm on Cold Nights

Make this manly Carhartt union suit yours! Slight pilling and wear in the seat area, otherwise in excellent condition.


I would want to hide my face, too, if I were forced to wear this homemade bedazzled and, I'm thinking, whiteout painted coat. Calling Regretsy.com!

Smiles, Everyone, Smiles!

I do appreciate an amateur model that seemingly dares me to buy their item.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


I don't think this is what the photographer had in mind when he asked for 'more energy,' and the assistant poked her with a stick. But, points for professional back drop and attractive model. So close!

Accessories Sold Separately

I so enjoy these slice of life ebay postings. I guess the sellers think that props will add that emotional connection that guarantees a sale. And call me a sucker for advertising, but I'm not sure which I prefer most - a baby, a flamingo lawn ornament or a shotgun!

From Kira

This lady helps make the argument why we should all wear shoes in public bathrooms. Ewwww. And no, I don't want to buy your grody Birks. And yes, this makes me fear cankles even more.
Thanks for sending, Kira!


I have got to hand it to this guy. He makes wearing a leather cape appear almost...normal. That's confidence!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Ice Ice Baby

AAAAAAAHHH! I fear I'm going to wake up and have this thing looking down at me!!

She Goes to 11

Here's a dream gal for you fellas! Crotch and cleave dial for you to customize!

Hard Times

This is the most god forsaken ghetto 'mannequin' ever! Dents in the styrofoam head look like bad acne scars, his Mom's old sheet hanging in the background, crappy glued on shoulders...ew. Does not make me want to buy the hat! Salesmanship, people!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Shame Hat

The Shame Hat behavior modification program that humiliates your kid into submission seems quite effective! I can only imagine other parents in a bidding war, desperate to snap this item up!

Holy Cleavage!

Thank goodness she's got a cross nestled between her breasts so I know she's a Jesus lovin' lady! Otherwise, I might think she's, uh, kinda slutty.

All Kinds of Crazy

I don't know about you guys, but I get a visceral 'you crazy, baby' vibe off this gal. I can tell the waitress in the background agrees with me as she looks highly uncomfortable.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

So Close 3

High fashion look, check. Bored looking appropriately skinny model, check. Random cat ears?? Man, so close!

So Close 2

Nice lighting and interesting environment, check. Good looking model demos skirt nicely, check. GIANT FOOT - oh, so close!

So Close 1

Good looking model in a JC Penney kind of way, check. Relaxed, nice looking model pose, check. Stray dog in background -- ooh, so close!

So Close!

Today I dedicate to the 'almosts' - the sellers who came so close to a professional model look, and in falling just short, become extreme amateurs.